Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
