Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize