finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
