need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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