I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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