There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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