She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
