What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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