conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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