Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
