Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize