I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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