My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
