I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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