i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
