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My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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