All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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