If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
