I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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