Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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