My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
