Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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