He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize