its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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