It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
