I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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