Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
