Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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