just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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