am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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