Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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