a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize