So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
