There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
