Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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