On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
