i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
