i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
