You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
