i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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