It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We have started to decorate penises.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
