Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
