Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
