I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize