I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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