We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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