I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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