I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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