If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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