I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
