My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
