Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
