Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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