Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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