Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
