Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
