I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize