i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
