please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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