I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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