We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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