TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
