There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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