Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
