you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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