We won't sleep together?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
