I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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