We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
