I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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