Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
