This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
