i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
