Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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