well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
